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mm hmm [23 Oct 2006|04:26pm]
its been a shitfuck of a long time. however, i feel as if this is important:

i have been accepted to the Illinois Institute of Art- Chicago

i will be moving to downtown Chicago in May, and starting at the Art Institute in August

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[09 May 2006|10:16pm]
Two Years

Callie and Bast
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katies plant in the window [04 May 2006|10:33pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I have so many things to do.

Six days until my last day at ISU.

Its gonna be fucking weird to be home agin with my cranky mother and and someone to respond to. I fucking hated ISU when I first got here. I counted down the days until each weekend and every break I had away. I don't hate it anymore, but I also don't love it. ISU taught me some stuff that I probably wouldn't have learned if I just would have been perfectly content somewhere else.
Like, I dunno- how to hold my liquor, and the kickass people take awhile to find...but that doesnt mean that the rest of the people on the way to finding them dont do a significant amount of ass kicking themselves....and that I dont want to be average, cuz average is easy. I'm pretty sure I've changed since I've been here, and bad or good its a change, and eventaully the bad shifts to good. Especially with the sun coming out all soon and whatnot.

Summer looking forward to times:

Warp tour
Wisconsin with Bast
Trips to the lake
Trips to the riverfront
work at the pool
work somewhere else as well
frequent trips to Chicago

I really just wanna get shit right this time. I've been at this school almost a whole year and I kept blaming the things I hated on the location. But fuck that, its not always the location. So I guess its me, and I wanna be smart and I want to have that shop so getting started is actually yet another thing to look forward to.

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[21 Apr 2006|10:45am]
i'll teach you how to swim
if you make the bad in me good again
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[04 Apr 2006|10:41pm]

lets get the fuck outta here, maybe flee to the ocean. that way perhaps we can delay the inevitable. best friends and best lovers, away at the sea. keep the love alive. yea?
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[25 Mar 2006|04:41pm]
You'll never see the courage I know
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still to proud to mention, to you

You'll say you understand
But you don't understand
You'll say you'll never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie
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[08 Mar 2006|12:31am]

You GOTTA get a banjo.

- Callie
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[07 Mar 2006|12:00am]
[ mood | determined ]

Sharons post has given me a reason to also write what I havent written in order to summarize what is and has been. Mostly nothing. Its unfortunate. But if theres little going on, the brain cant help but make everything crank around.

I came home this weekend for the first time in a month. I wanted to make-out with Korie and Sharon I was so happy to see them. Mostly I just wanted it to be us, and Mikers and Rox and Jon outside somewhere summer-style, zoning and loving. Mikers is so big! Its like hes grown into a taller, darker maner man of himself. And Rox is still Rox, with her lovliness and fucking hilarious honesty. Of course this little Korie, who is the same and needs me like I need her. We loved, but not enough. And Sharon. Dude Sharon loves. But keep loving Sharon cuz that makes you Sharon.

You're my best friends you know

Jeremey and I watched a movie last night, I forget what it was called. He said it would be best if we were frying or just super lit, but lack of is all we gots. So we watched it and it was intense. Crazy colors, and ridiculous worldy insight. The basic message was that there is no real life and then dreams, your whole life is a dream, jut people learn things from other people simply by thinking it and the rules of government and people just kind of got stuck in our heads in this part of the dream. The other part is the free part, where anything can happen and if you try hard enough you can control it.

When we still had the batcave i used to sometimes look around and think how fucking amazing the whole thing was. Like something out of a movie. Every Friday and Saturday night, without question get your shit and head down to the cave. Good music and Jons cigarettes and that shitty ass blue tempo pulling up. Fumbling for keys and then walking down that fucking tiny ass hallway, walking past doors as they each spewed out different laughs and different music. And then Corinne would come, and Beavey, and there would be long jams, and screaming over them. And the amount of ganj passed over and over and over again until it was time to go. Dude fucking amazing. There were a few times where I zoned out and just stared at the little room and what was going on around me, and it occurred to me that I may just be in a re-occuring dream. The shit was exactly the same every weekend- maybe different drinks, the lack or addition of people, and danker ganj but still the same thing. Dude we GAGGED at the cave. We got watsed at the cave. We loved at the cave and sexed at the cave. One time Shelly sat us all down and we had a love circle and deep conversed at the cave.

And I got to show up at the cave with a thing of jack with Bast's guitar on my shoulder. And I got to leave with less than half a pack of parliaments and a horny Bast.

Dude- we love.

Korie- First time I fucking met you your face was puffed out, eyes squinty as shit lit up on mad opium. Sharon you fucking squeezed me right away dude, and then you guys came back the next night, and then next and the next. And then we became lovers and when we werent caving we were at kories.

We are mad lovers.

Thats fucking right we are all fucking mad ass lovers. And Sharon dude this shit will end and if it doesnt itll be shitty with korie dude in you guys's HOME. and shitty with your love in your home is NEVER as shitty as shitty by yourself somewhere else. Dude and Mikers is always gonna be Mikers and go from person to person to find the love he needs but dude- he'll be back, cuz he always comes back. With his lanky ass arms and legs and cute ass smirk. And Roxers, dude roxy knows so much shit dude she realizes more about so much shit than like anybody its fucking ridiculous. And Jons coming home! Hes gonna be home in a little more than a month. And Jon is a lover.


How do we do it? We love.

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[28 Feb 2006|12:37am]
my boyfriend is so cute!!

we love we love we loooovveeee
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look at the email i just fucking got- WHY dont i live in LA? [25 Jan 2006|10:15pm]
Calling all SAY ANYTHING FANS...

Say Anything will be shooting a video for their song “Alive with The
Glory of Love” in the Los Angeles Area on Thursday January 26th!

The theme of the video is based at a camp with kids around 11 years
old. Say Anything would like to use extras who are 11 but unfortunately we
are being forced to stick with 18+. So those of you who have always
been picked on for looking 12 or too small for your age, you can now put
it to good use! …..and for all those football jocks that picked on the
little guys- don’t even think of showing up!

Temescal Canyon Gateway
15601 Sunset Blvd. Pacific Palisades, CA 90272
310.454.1395 ext 113
Contact: Susan Porsche

Arrive at 8:30PM tomorrow - first come/first serve

18+ with ID, should look young! Production has the right to refuse
entry or inclusion.
It will be a night shoot for 6-8 hours and could be cool so dress
NO LOGOS on anything!
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extreme sorry to the one i love [18 Jan 2006|02:41pm]
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[17 Jan 2006|08:58am]

Support love.

found on a fellow livejournalers well, journal

cute, huh?
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og shittin razor blades [17 Jan 2006|12:00am]
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its an essay [12 Jan 2006|02:57pm]
January 12 with March 12 weather. I believe I'll take the January weather on March 12 (so long as March is here now).

You'll never believe what I discovered today. Two wrinkles on my forehead. I know! And to make it worse, they're there whether I'm making a funny face or not.

School begins (once again) for me on the 17th of January. I move back in the 16th, only this time to live with a girlfriend of mine, Katie that I met on my floor. Shes a cutie and her sarcasm mirrors my own. I think we'll survive nicely.

Break came and went quicker than ever. I had a fabulous time, but no proof. The countless pictures I would have taken are sadly M.I.A, and the only evidence I have are a few pictures from New Years and other evenings at the lovely Mariel and Marcus's.

Jon is back in Arizona, yet again. But now he is joined by a new little friend, Copper. Shes cute and calm and has made a few mistakes. However, from what I hear she is learning. If you want to see a picture of her just look at Jons journal. She really is sooo sweet and I think theyre beginning to love eachother. Jon and I already plan to fly me to out once again for Spring Break. I already know the date of my departure and I couldn't be any more anxious. My break is from March 10-19 so I suppose now all I have to do is just live until then. I am excited to go back to school simply to get a go on things. Staying in Peoria always seems weird when Jon isn't here. 8 weeks and counting.

Until then its mostly the same thing everyday: taking care of the house, taking care of myself, planning for whats to come. (to do lists, to buy lists etc)

in conclusion, this is the conclusion.
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[24 Dec 2005|10:55am]
[ mood | love ]

xmas is here baby
it seems lightyears
since they caught us
and dispatched us to those seperate workcamps
but i dreamed about you all
we did not doubt at all
with the passing of time
oooo yea
some, well, they killed us
but eachothers love
well, it filled us
as warm as the bullets
and now we know our purpose
this war was worth this
we still wont let us down
ooooooo yeeeaaaaa

its good to be a slut. especially a slut in love with her loves

Thank you for my bday and xmas present Korie slut, everything is perfect! Happy Birthday Mikey, and Sharon, well Sharon you see I love you. Soooo much. And Jon comes home today and has already promised to eat xmas breakfast with me here at home. And Roxy- well shit I dunno where in the hell Roxy is but she too is my love and I will call her immediateloy afyter this silly xmas stuff is over.

love you loves

we did it! (oooo yeaaa?)

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[15 Dec 2005|08:49am]
In the 8th grade polls right before graduation, i was voted as "least changed"
I was up for: best legs, best smile, most likely to be president, best laugh, best personality, and best dressed

no matter what i never change
so ok
cut my hair
loose the weight
get a tan

19 years of the same thing


There has only ever been one thing i was ever good at
and even then i was only good until the youger smaller ones came along
and they zipped past me in my own fucking pool
and took sectional and state titles that could have been mine
but not cuz i didnt try
cuz i tried so fucking hard
even though i knew that there were things i could have done better


often times i watch my personality generate from yours
and yours
and yours
and yours
and yours
and yours
and yours

I didnt try at school in highschool
but not all the time
at first i didnt so i could swim
and then as i got passed i didnt just because
but sometimes, sometimes i fucking did
and fuckin funny, but it was the same as when i didnt

when i come upon these extreme realizations
sometimes i share them
and theyre always returned with a oh no
oh no
and the uniqueness quote comes out and gets some action

ive been wearin the same god damn size 8 jeans for over a week
and a hooded sweatshirt
and all of the clothes and knicknacks i own
just sit
and i catch myself in the mirror
becoming the stupid fucking midwestern average college piece of shit
and theres nothing i can do about it
or you

and now here i am working so god damn hard that im losing me
losing the clothes
losing the laugh
losing the smile
losing the UNIQUE
the only thing i have thats worth anything
and while i throw all of that out
to make the grade
and please the people who pay for it
i get nothing in return

because i didnt pay attention in school
i speant my fucking time watching
and observing
and i can tell you if he loves you
and i can tell you thats a dumb idea
and i can tell you ive seen

and there are the dumbest sluttiest whores at better schools
that vote republican cuz daddy does and so does his whole office
who gave it up to 2 older guys when they were 14
and say dumb shit and use their tits as a motive
who are doing better
who arent working hard
and are doing better

but for some reason i cannot help that my face looks like this
and i cant help that dont know directions
and i cant help that my gut protrudes from my body
and i cant help that i cannot retain information

and yes fuck you i can help these things

and it is that thought that is always fucking there
i can fucking help it
and i dont

or worse

i do
and nothing happens

fucking least changed
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[13 Dec 2005|03:01pm]
Happy Birthday to MY LOVE Sharon
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december 8th, 8:25 am [08 Dec 2005|02:30am]
its my birthday

bast says to write this:

all hail me on this glorious december day
its none of your birthdays, but its mine...
so youre gay
give me some presents
and all your love too
and if you dont
im going to fucking kill you
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the cure (fuck it) [02 Dec 2005|10:23pm]
"The Widow"

He's got fasting black lungs
Made of clove splintered shardes
They're the kind that will talk
Through a weezing of coughs

And I hear him every night
In every pore
And every time he just makes me warm

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Must I hide?
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Look at how they flock to him
From an isle of open sores
He knows that the taste is such
Such to die for

And I hear him every night
On every street
The scales that do slither
Deliver me from…

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Then I'll hide
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Oh lord
Said I'm bloodshot for sure
Pale runs the ghost
Swollen on the shore

in every pore
The scales that do slither
Deliver me from…

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Then I'll hide
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Let me die
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone
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[27 Nov 2005|08:10pm]
This week was sooo much fun! The sluts slutted and Korie Sharon Jon and I reunited. I love you all and JUST wait til Christmas. OOOOO and New years!

On another good note- I have a new phone!! Its the same number as my old phone, only now I've lost all of yoru numbers. So pahlllleease comment with your name and number so I can put you in my beautiful new slutty little phone

My number-


Your numbers?

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